Sex, Shebeen ,Orgasms and Beer
by Lenni Mdawini Sibanda
The township is a huge pot slowly boiling away ,in it a gravy of youth cooked to live in misery ,poverty and perverse sex worship .Escaping it is a distant dream hence once an opportunity comes they hang on tooth ,nail ,toes and fingers ,such stories are rare but they do happen every once in a while. The city of Bulawayo is a true African City with its colonial aura about it which excites tourists especially the hauntingly charming late 19th century houses ,coupled with the modern high-rise apartments .This eclectic mix is a reflection of the mixing of tradition and modernism which is a postcard view of Africa yet in the belly of the city like an ulcer ,is something the tourists don’t see .These are the townships ,the city’s heartbeat Magwegwe is one of the many townships in this city and is where most our tale will come from.
Magwegwe Flats near the taxi rank is a hive of activity especially late at night as the taxi drivers knock off from work, a curious mix of noise deafens ones ears during those times from car hooters to loud whistling plus loud shouting. There is a well known statement around these parts that ten o’clock pm is midday, accordingly children here seem to follow their elders in this belief playing even when its pitch dark, hence that unfortunate night some of them were playing, pocking a dead dog in the middle of the road. The young ones oblivious of the danger posed by the passing cars whose headlights painted them in a white light giving them the appearance of walking ghosts in addition the rotting dog carcass was now giving off a choking death smell which had a mist like presence on the flats nearby .A lone figure not fully visible due to the darkness caused by the ever present power cuts ,chases away the children with his walking stick ,he is walking towards the ominous looking flats which at night resemble an antique single bed ,the foliage close by like strewn sheets thrown down hastily by two lovers.
This old man as evidenced by his weird gait, stepping as if each step is on hot coals as if that is not enough his left leg is slightly shorter than the other thus giving the impression that he is digging with his foot, all in all giving him a comical outlook. Like a moth to its fiery death the lone figure is attracted to one particular flat with loud music blaring out, haughty female laughter and generator powered bright lights. Groping away in the dark avoiding over spilling rubbish bins, narrowly missing a cat and eventually reaching the wide open door, he pauses his attention grabbed by two young lovers kissing passionately at the doorway. This act jolts him into action firstly saying “Voetsek! Do you think this is your bedroom? Nx!”
His usual shrill voice, booming temporarily drowning the sound system .His wiry frame, momentary stood transfixed on the doorway, his reddened eyes surveying the room trying to spot a free drink .This reconnaissance style inspection was cut short when a half mumbling voice called out his name from the far end of the full room. Even with the omnipresent whirring of the generator. “Sas Bo You dog .So you have come to drink, my grieving money away!” “Ndlovu my brother, I told you to the truth we were stopped by the Ministry of Health on the road” “Yeah Ministry of Health, Health (chuckling)You mean your financial health” Drawing laughter from the patrons Ndlovu stood up continuing “This man here(belching)he took our money promising to buy us a bull for my fathers funeral and right now I am passing green, This man is a thief .But it ends today (grabbing a bottle)I am goingto beat the demon out of him and then vomit on him”
Sas Bo, who had been standing like a traffic cop at the centre of the doorway not doing anything but expecting people not to notice, was forced into action when a visibly drunk Ndlovu threw a brown bottle at him. A whooshing sound, startled the patrons who cheered on impressed by Sas Bo’s acrobatic, flexibility and agility, with his feet off the ground ,in a lying position mid-air as if the air was some sort of bed, Sas Bo rotated a full 180 degrees ,the bottle whistling under him and out of the open door .Some of the beer guzzlers ,held their bottles and stared into them as if they were accusing the wise waters of tricking them diverging their eyes from their bottles ,they confirmed that yes ,Sas Bo’s feet were landing on the floor. One patron screamed “We have found a new goalie, for Bosso, Sas Bo, You are hardcore”
Sas Bo was not listening to that since he knew that his was not talent but pure desperation .In addition the desperation was getting worse, as his eyes met Ndlovu’s which had a savagery glint about them at that time Damn wasn’t Ndlovu the one who hated in fact abhorred was the right word (this was racing on in his mind) This was a sticky situation for him, if Ndlovu got any closer to him his giant fists though thrown around clumsily could easily crush his jaws. As Ndlovu continued his assault throwing a fist at him ,a thunderous fist met the man squarely on the jaw ,sending him hurtling down.Mzi ,Yes Mzi had saved him from the worse beating of his life .Seeing Ndlovu’s body spread out flat on the floor Ndlovu was raved into life “Hold me ,Or I will kill him Nx !You Dog!!!”
Ndlovu was now lying face down in his own vomit a contrast to the tornado like force he had been a few minutes back .Sis Do the Shebeen Queen was at that moment and time telling her boys to take the man to his home .The previous fiasco forgotten Mzi and Sas Bo then made their way to the selling point returning 5 minutes later carrying pints ,showing that Ndlovu’s father money was being put into good use .Sas Bo said “Hey ,Mzi why didn’t you stop him earlier, that dog could have killed me “ “Why !I was enjoying the show like every one here” (disdainful) “ Whatever let us enjoy our drinks”
As they were settling down, like a film star Sissy (shortened version of Nesisa), the shebeen queen’s daughter cat walked niftily into the room balancing a tray with two plates of steaming hot food. Some say Sis Do’s business is booming due to her presence, not only was she a waitress here but she could do more if one had the money. Mzi’s bottle was held half way to his mouth for over two minutes as he stared at her mesmerising movement through the full room rubbing her full behind here, brushing her ample bosom ,exposing her milky white thighs there ,evidently the man were enjoying this free show judging from their concentration as some were blatantly ignoring their ladies. Sissy had a body that provoked most men physically giving them conjured dreams at night, yes her body screamed sex and all the perverted things associated with it .Unfortunately for the men she knew this hence her high price afforded by only a handful business men, those lucky tycoons only had glowing stares when they left her room in the morning.
Sas Bo was watching all this amused, chuckling to himself as Sissy handed them their plates, Sas Bo could not help but comment saying “Sissy no matter what the food tastes like I will enjoy it, knowing you cooked”
Sissy flashing a pearly white smile responded “Yes I cooked it especially for you uncle, on the fire with my thighs spread widely apart”
Mzi let out a soft moaning sound ,as he stared at her make her way through the congested room it was as if a cat had bit his tongue due to his uncharacteristic quietness .Breaking this he said “Sas Bo do you I was her first” “First what” “(laughing )Her first man ,I am the one who unwrapped her like a sweet , when she was still at school, I know her body in and in. She has the biggest (gesturing) I have ever seen “ “(Laughing loudly) shut up, what! We all know you are lying, everyone knows you claim to have slept with every girl in these flats, and Sissy is expensive only the rich know her moistness”
Mzi that the old man at forty five was fifteen years older than him and was gifted verbally, would thoroughly embarrass him .So he ignored the statement. “Sas Bo you might be a Casanova legend in these flats but when I reach your age, I will be a god”
Ignoring Sas Bo’s voracious laughter, Mzi went on to recall one of his shenanigans that had occurred that very day .Mzi had a very unique life, he was thirty, having never been employed in his life, single and still living on his mothers pension. The man had personally employed himself as a bed warmer for single and married women in the flats and their vicinity. His mothers house which he also living in was no stranger to couples using it for intimacy purposes, hence on that day Mzi’s best friend Moscan the kombi driver had bought over his girlfriend Pretty hoping to spend some quality time with her .As a good host Mzi showed them to the room with the best bed in the house which incidentally was his mother’s bedroom ,telling them to feel at home leaving them .Moscan and his woman could not wait to even lock the door as they jumped at each other like rabid dogs .Moscan hands went straight to her crotch ,fumbling clumsily with her skirt zip ,simultaneously Pretty was peeling off his shirt ,their mouths interlocked in a salivary battle ,her tongue lodged deep in his throat. Whilst they were busy in their heat Mzi with the stealthiest movement of a thief at night, slowly crept into the room making his way to the wardrobe, the couple oblivious of his intrusion .Having entered the wardrobe Mzi had a grand stand view of the action just in time as Pretty wriggled out her skirt leaving it as a heap on the floor .Mzi rubbed his hands gleefully exporting to see real action which unfortunately did not last long disappointing Mzi and Pretty. As Moscan lay on the bed panting like a dog during summer. Mzi now knew that Moscan had what they medically call premature ejaculation which was indeed embarrassing for the “macho man”, the man in the wardrobe was laughing silently. On the other hand the man on the bed was cursing his forefathers for letting him down, this was further worsened by Pretty’s complaints “Moscan what is your problem? You are not man enough Schoolboys can do better than you,1 min ,1 min,1 min”
As she was saying this Moscan left the room leaving her naked on the bed ,a vile snake out of its hole came out of the wardrobe .Mzi walked towards Pretty startling her ,after that he moved to the door locked it. Slowly he unbuckled his trousers and unbuttoned his shirt all this time his eyes stabbing her with his desire .As his hands felt her skin in a hoarse voice she half heartedly protested reminding him that Moscan was his friend .He had the answer ready saying “Pretty ,Moscan is like a brother to me what is his is mine .You are a woman with needs and if he can’t do it then I will finish what he started (kissing her)”
She offered little resistance to him as she completely forgot about Moscan, who twenty minutes later was still knocking at the door.